Random Foolishness of Itachi Uchiha
by Lizzy231
Summary: Random Foolishness of Itachi Uchiha. You get it? It goes with the title. Fourth Chapter. Awesomeness.
1. Chapter 1

"Wha-- UCHIHA ITACHI??!! WTF ARE YOU DOING HERE?!?"

"I'm psychic!" Itachi replied in a stupid voice, grinning. "I can see all of your inner thoughts!"

"Thats... because of your sharengan, Uchiha..."

"Noooo!!!!! It's because: I'm psychic!!"

"Itachi, your not psychic!"

"Yes i am! Watch!" Itachi stared at the person talking to him. "You... I know your inner most secrets."

"Y-your lying!!"

"You're a spy of Orochimaru's... and-"

"LIAR!"

"AND... You snuck into Kanoha because you knew i was coming, and because you were sent to... god i don't even want to finish looking at that."

"H... how far did you see?"

"Enough to know for sure that Orochimaru wants my brother... in the way it sounds... He wants him because he's a bi kinky bastard... eww... my only brother, too!"

"I know... I mean, Kabuto is all over Orochimaru, but he's ignoring him all the time... daydreaming about Sasuke."

"EWW! I DIDN'T need to know that!!" Itachi said, and ran off.

The next day, Itachi had forced himself to forget about it. He returned to Kanoha in search of someone else to read. (Their thoughts and stuff.) He found someone almost as soon as he walked out from the trees.

"AHHH!!! IT'S ITACHI!!!" the chick screamed.

"AHH!! IT'S AN ANNOYINGLY LOUD CHICK WHO WONT STFU!!!" Itachi screamed back.

"He-y... -sniffle-..."

"Ha ha. Oh yeah. I'm psychic!" Itachi declared again.

"Liar."

"NO ONE BELIEVES ME!!! God! Ok, fine. I'm gunna read your inner most thoughts, and that'll prove it!"

"LIAR!!"

"OK... lets see... uuuhm... -gasp!-... OMFG! GOD, YOUR ALMOST AS BAD AS OROCHIMARU!!" he screamed and ran off.

"Whats he mean by that?" Sakura asked a random cat. (Then the cat exploded because Sakura's a bitch.)

The next day, when Itachi yet again cleared his mind of the thoughts he saw, he returned in search of someone else to tell.

"Hmm..." he walked around the town, while people screamed and took cover, because everyone in Kanoha knew who Itachi was. He was basically walking down a deserted street.

"HELLO!!!" he called. No one answered. He moved to the next street. He stopped at a store. (some person left the door unlocked, and the open sign on the door.)

"Hi! How can i--- HOLY CRAP!" The store owner ducked for cover and Itachi made a sad face.

"-sniffle- Everyone fears me..."

(Lizzy: All my idea. I might continue that story in the next one.)

"Foolish little brother... Why are you so weak?"  
"Because I lack hatred?"

"No! Who the fuck gave you that idea?? Who wouldn't hate me after that?!? I mean, seriously! _I _Hate me! Even people who don't know me hate me! See that cat? Yeah, it hates me!"

"...No it doesn't" Sasuke said. Itachi picked up a pebble and threw it at the cat. The cat looked at Itachi with hatred in it's eyes.

"Yeah, now it does."

"How can you tell?" then the cat lunges at Itachi.

"That's how." he said, then the cat bursts into flames.

"KITTY, NO!!!"

Itachi starts laughing. "Ha ha ha. Cat flambé." Sasuke's eye starts twitching.

"Why did that cat just spontaneously combust?"

"I dono... thats been happening a lot lately." Itachi turned to look at Sasuke.

"Nooo!!!!" Sasuke suddenly yelled.

"What?" Itachi asked.

"I don't wanna see your face!!!"

"Why not? It's sexy!!"

"Well, I guess not, seeing that everything you look at burst into flames!"

"OMFG! Really?" Itachi looks at a tree. It explodes. Sasuke screams like a little girl, Itachi laughs. English version Naruto appears out of nowhere.

"BELIEVE IT!" he screams continuously. Itachi gives Naruto a death glare and starts laughing maniacally. He stops when he realizes Naruto isn't exploding.

"WHAT THE FUCK?" he screams.

"Common, Anaki! Make him stop! Everyone hates the English Naruto!"

"HE WON'T EXPLODE!" Itachi screeched

"POP, DAMN IT!" Sasuke yelled. Naruto stopped saying 'believe it' to explain. (sort of)

"I WONT EXPLODE, BELIEVE IT! I CANT BECOME HOKAGE IF I EXPLODE! BELIEVE IT!" And he continued his yelling of his annoying English catch phrase.

Itachi uses his Mangekyou sharengan to send Naruto to a place filled with a million American Naruto shadow clones, all screaming 'believe it' continuously (and at different times) but never going away.

After 1.2 seconds Naruto was twitching on the floor. In his head, it had been three days already. Three very long days. Itachi took the sharengan off, and Naruto attempted to stand up.

"I...I will make it... believe it!" Itachi gave him another death glare, and Naruto exploded.

"FINALLY!" Sasuke screamed. "I don't think I've ever been through worse torture than that!" Itachi gives an evil grin.

"Really?" he asks, and starts to activate the Mangekeou again to make Sasuke go through what Naruto did.

"NO, BITCH!" Sasuke says, poking Itachi in the eyes.

"Ahh!!" Itachi screams. "MY EYES!! MY BEAUTIFUL EYES!!"

(Mine and Joe's idea.)

Naruto was trying to figure out how he had entered the genjutsu in the first place, since he hadn't looked at Itachi's eyes at all through the whole time they were fighting.

"How can I be in a genjutsu... I made sure not to look at your eyes!

"The genjutsu started when I pointed at you. I can start genjutsu just with this finger."

"But i didn't look at your eyes!!"

"I started the genjutsu by pointing at you!"

"I DIDNT LOOK AT YOUR EYES, THOUGH!!"

"IT DOESNT MATTER, I STARTED IT WITH MY FINGER!!"

"BUT I DIDN'T LOOK AT YOUR EYES!!"

"OMFG! HOW CAN YOU BE SASUKE'S BEST FRIEND? I DONT UNDERSTAND THE KID! HOW COULD HE STAND FROM _NOT_ KILLING SOMEONE SO ANNOYING!! If i were him, I would have been very, very happy to kill you for the Mangekyou Sharengan!"

"Hmmm... I've heard of that Sharengan from Kakashi-sensei... But I know Something just as bad! MASS 'ENGLISH NATURO' REPLICATION!!" Naruto used shadow clones-- English style!! "BELIEVE IT!" they repeated over and over, surrounding Itachi. He took out one hundred at a time, but Naruto kept making more.

"DAMN YOU!!" he screamed, trying to find the real one to stop the torture.

He had killed about 20 million when he found there were only about a million left. Still screaming "Believe it" they attacked him. He killed them. He looked for Naruto and found him on the floor, rocking back and forth muttering:

"Make it stop!" over and over.

(My idea. Joe isn't even there yet. I'm the one that reads the Manga. )

Lets start this again!

Naruto was trying to figure out how he had entered the genjutsu in the first place, since he hadn't looked at Itachi's eyes at all through the whole time they were fighting.

"How can I be in a genjutsu... I made sure not to look at your eyes!

"The genjutsu started when I pointed at you. I can start genjutsu just with this finger."

Then Naruto cuts Itachi's finger off and eats it. Itachi doesn't notice until he looks down.

"NOOO!!!!!!!" he screams

(Joe's idea.)

Obviously he hasn't read it. Because then he would know that Itachi wouldnt care if he bit off his finger, because it wasn't Itachi. Itachi was controlling someone else. Yura! Right?

Lizzy: You can tell that I really REALLY hate English version Naruto... Then again... doesn't everybody? R&R!!!

This is a quote from me. I mixed up the name of my town, took out some letters, added some letters and spaces, and added "I live" to it.

"**I live in slow pain."**

There might be another one of these. My brother and I were bored and talking about Itachi, so I started it off.

"Dude, Joe.." I said.

"What?" Joe asked, pausing the tv.

" "Foolish little brother, why are you so weak?", "because I lack hatred?" " I started.

" 'Noooooo!!! Who the fuck gave you that idea???!!?" Joe finished.

Then we burst out laughing and I typed it out. So R&R. I'm giving both my brother and myself credit for this. BTW: Joe is my older brother, so when I asked him "Foolish older brother, why are you so weak?" he laughs in my face... and i punch him! Lol, no. I wish! He'd kick my ass if I tried that.

Again, please: **R&R**

**-Lizzy**


	2. Chapter 2

Apparently, for some reason, my brother thinks Itachi killed his whole family so Sasuke would kill him. I think my brother, HoBo Joe, is very stupid. But we thought up this awesome thing. So here it is.

Itachi had just finished killing his family. They were at the scene where Itachi and Sasuke were standing outside.

"Why?" Sasuke asked.

"I killed them, now you kill me!!" Itachi said. Then, at the top of his lungs he screamed the following: "MOO HA HA!!!" and ran off, skipping and dancing.

The next day.

Itachi sits up.

"Whoa, what a hangover! What happened last night?"

"You killed your whole family and joined us." Kisame replied, entering the room.

"WHAT????? WHY???"

"You said that it was so your brother would kill you back..."

"Oh yeah. That sounds perfectly logical." and he goes back to sleep.

"It sounds logical to me, what about you Joe??" I asked.

"Oh, yeah, that sounds logical!" he replied. He's stupid. I had forgotten what he said, so I asked again.

"I said, 'oh hells yeah, that sounds logical!'" he replied.

"That's not what you said."

"Oh, Yeah, I said, 'Damn straight that sounds logical!'"

"You idiot, you didn't say anything like that." I replied, remembering what he said. God, he's so stupid, sometimes. But be happy. He wanted to seem cool to anyone who would read this. Which... well you read this, so you count as one of the people he wanted to be cool for. BTW: he's not cool, he just think he is.

Itachi and Kisame were walking down the path to the Akatsuki hidout place when... randomly, a ninja appeared out of nowhere right in front of Itachi.

"Who the hell is this weakling?" Itachi asked Kisame. Kisame shrugged.

"I'm right here, you know. And I'm stronger than you!!" The annoying ninja yelled.

"We're right here, _you know_, you don't have to yell." Kisame mocked.

"Don't blame me! I'm only yelling because Lizzy-chan is making me yell!"

"Who the hell is... "Lizzy"??" Kisame asked.

"The authoress, of course!!" he replied.

"CURSE YOU, LIZZY-SAN!!" Kisame yelled for no apparent reason.

"-sniffle- you don't have to yell..." i reply. On with the... eh.. "plot", if you can call it that.

"You, weakling, are not stronger than me." Itachi said, his eyes narrowing into an emotionless glare. (Does that even work???)

"Ha! I'd like to see you prove that!" so they fought, and the Ninja won.

"Damn you!!" Itachi yelled.

"I'm smarter than you, also." He replied, smugly.

"Liar."

"Oh yeah? Whats your earliest memory??:

"Hmmmm..."

---FLASHBACK!!---

Itachi woke up to find himself in a crib. He knew what it was, somehow, even though he had only been alive for about a month. He decided that he wanted out. So he stood up, opened the crib, and left.

He walked outside. Imagine that. A little one month old baby, walking like anyone else (not normal for any baby, because they wobble.) in the backyard of the Uchiha's place. You see, he could walk because he was incredibly intelligent. Just then, a squirrel came out of nowhere and attacked the young Uchiha. Instinctively, he whipped out a kunai and killed the creature.

Don't ask me where a baby got a kunai, and don't ask me why he already, at one month, knows instinctively to kill anything that lunges at him that suddenly.

You know, people wondered why one of Itachi's baby sitters was found dead on the floor in his room the next month next to an empty bottle of wine, with Itachi being the only one in the room. No one would have thought a baby would do that. The baby sitter had tried to stop Itachi from drinking the wine... Itachi didn't want to. No one, and I mean no one, would suspect a cute, sweet little Uchiha baby. Oh well. Sweet, sweet innocence.

---FLASHBACK OVER---

"Really?" the ninja asked, amused. "You only remember that far back?"

"Oh, and you can remember further for yourself?"

"Actually, yes i can."

---NEW FLASHBACK!!---

"Look! I think he's waking up!!" a woman's voice said, as the 27 minute old boy opened his small eyes. It was his mother he was looking at, he realized.

"His eyes... They're blue?" the boy's father, most likely, replied.

"The doctor said that they sometimes stay like that for the first few days, or even a bit longer. But they might change. Which is likely, since we both have emerald eyes..." the mother said.

"What are we going to name him?"

"Hmm... The moment of choosing..."

"How about 'Kip'?"

"What does that mean?"

"Well... birds are just so cool, aren't they? So it means chicken!"

'Chicken?' the boy thought, disturbed with his parent's stupidity. 'I'll be teased all my life!!'

"No... He'll be teased." his mother voiced just what he was thinking. He gave a tiny sigh in relief. "Plus, I like ducks much better! We should name him after Donald Duck!! Hmm... Maybe... Ducky!!!! Yeah! I love ducks!!" She squealed, happily.

The kid was revolted. His parents were absolute retards. Morons. They were asking the be killed. But the least he could do, was inform him that he hated both names they chose.

He started to mumble. He had a song in his head, perhaps he heard it from inside his mother's stomach. It was the perfect song for this moment. The woman and man both leaned in, as the mother said,

"Shh! I think he's trying to talk!!"

He hesitated, but started to sing as quietly as he could, but making sure he was loud enough so that at least they could hear him.

"I don't wanna be a chicken, I don't wanna be a duck, So kiss my butt, quack quack quack quack.." and he repeated a few times, to get it through their thick skulls.

"Ok, that's enough... We understand." the father said, slightly sickened by the fact that his son was so smart, that he could talk at 33 minutes old. Just then, a comedian came on the tv in the room. He was carrying a monkey with him. The father smirked. So did the mother.

"For your smart mouth, I think you deserve punishment." the mother said, softly.

He looked at her, quizzically.

"From now on," his father continued, "you're name will be 'Saru', or 'Monkey', you little twerp."

So that started the torture. Then, at the age of 4, he murdered his family, excluding his little sis, who was 3, and who he was very close to. She shared the hatred for their parents.

---FLASHBACK OVER--

"Grrr..."

"See? I'm much smarter. You couldn't even talk by one month!! I could talk within my first hour. How foolish of you."

"Don't steal my lines. I own the word 'foolish', so you can't use it!" Itachi said defensively.

"Foolish, foolish, foolish, foolish, foolish, foolish," ect. Saru started saying it repeatedly. Itachi yelled, but he didn't stop. So he ran. Saru chased him. A random mulberry bush appeared out of no where, and Itachi started running around it. Saru chased him. Kisame turned on a tape.

"All around the mulberry bush, the Monkey chased the weasel!" it played, over and over.

Pure torture. I hate you, Saru. And you, Kisame, for helping.

So psychic Itachi found someone else! Naruto! Of course, he had completely forgot about his mission to get him and bring him to the Akatsuki place.

"Hello, Naruto!!"

"ItachiUchiha!! Holycrap!!"

"No!! Don't run!!"

"Oh, Ok." and so Naruto calmed down quite quickly.

"Ok! So, Naruto... Guess what I can do?"

"What??!??!!!"

"I can read your mind, because I'm psychic!!"

"Noooooo, really??? Cool!!!!" Naruto said, spazing out.

"I'll read your mind then... NOOO!!!!" Then Itachi killed Naruto. Another Naruto came walking up.

"Dude, wtf?"

"-gasp!- -GASP!!-"

"Ooooh." Naruto said, knowingly. "That was English version me, wasn't it?"

"-gasp- yeah... -gasp-..." Itachi said. "I give up. I'm going back to the Akatsuki Lair... -gasp-" so he left.

Lizzy: Sorry it's so short. Anyway, review and give me advise or ideas... I'm kind of stuck on this... Oh well, I'll think of more stuff eventually.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Masashi Kishimoto does.

_**I love writing for people who love reading for what i write!!!**_

-Lizzy


	3. Chapter 3

**Itachi and the Abandoned Car.**

* * *

Ok. It starts of as this. One day, Itachi and Kisame were on their way to look for Naruto again, when they saw a car. It looked abandoned.

"Itachi... Look!" Kisame said, spazing out. Itachi, followed by Kisame, walked over to the car. "Lets look inside." Kisame said. They looked inside and saw it was empty, or at least it looked like it. "I wonder if anyone owns it..." Kisame said. (Itachi quickly made some hand signs)

"Kisame." Itachi said. "Where's your sword?" Kisame looked back and saw his sword was gone.

"OMFG!!! I'll be right back!!! I have to go find him!" Kisame sped off on foot.

"Moron" Itachi muttered.

It seems like their story is done, right? well its not. Its just starting. But first we have to switch to Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura. They find the car. One of the doors are open.

"Hey..." Naruto says. "Whats that? An abandoned car!! No... wait... someone's inside..." They approach the car and see a pair of feet sticking out of the car (with shoes on, of course.) they see a hint of the Akatsuki cloak. Sasuke was about to attack, when he stopped short, his eye twitching.

"Sasuke, Wha-" Naruto said, approaching, but stopped when he saw. It was Itachi. And his eyes were half closed, a wrap of Marijuana in his hand. He was high. He didn't seem to see or hear them at all. Sasuke and Naruto burst out laughing. Sakura saw and didn't think it was funny at all. She ran off, screaming. Well, it was Itachi, so yeah.

So eventually Naruto and Sasuke calmed down. Naruto pushed Itachi's feet in the car and closed the door, as Sasuke got into the front seat. Naruto got into the passenger seat and looked back at Itachi.

"Naruto... I know where he got that." Sasuke said. Naruto turned around and saw that the glove compartment was full of it. Absolutely stuffed with marijuana. and under the seats was beer. They began to wonder where all this stuff came from when Itachi spoke up. It startled them so much that they jumped and hit their heads on the ceiling.

"Hey... what are you doing? No touchy... Finders keepers" Itachi slurred. "I don't even _know_ you..." They looked at him and saw that his eyes were still half closed, but now he was facing them.

"Itachi, Where did you get all this?" Naruto asked. Sasuke rolled his eyes. Itachi had clearly stated that he found it.

"Huh?" Itachi asked.

"I said-"

"Give it up, Naruto. He found it. He said that earlier."

"He did?"

"WHAT???" Itachi yelled. Naruto and Sasuke got ready to fight, but then Itachi whispered, "Naruto... Hmm... I know you, don't I?? Oh yeah... we were just about to go get you..." he slurred.

"We??" Naruto said, getting a bit on the nervous side.

"Yeah. Kisame went to find his sword that he didn't lose..." Itachi said, rubbing his head, talking more to himself than them. "I made him believe, using genjutsu, that his sword was gone...((Sasuke looked out the window and saw Kisame, looking like he was sleeping)) because... I've never tried..." Itachi's eyes opened wide. He sat up and the first thing he did was look at his hand. He lifted it to his mouth as he looked up to the 2 in the front seat. He realized who it was, and was about to get up to capture Naruto, when he took another drag. (He only became, uh, not high because it had been a while since he took a "drag"... heh heh... Itachi's high...)

About a minute later, he stopped and looked back at them. He grinned, reached down (Naruto and Sasuke got ready for him to pull out a weapon.) and handed them both a wrap of the stuff. Naruto stared at it, and Sasuke looked at Itachi like he was more insane than he had previously thought.

"Come on!" Itachi said. He lit the ends. They both stared at him. He got pissed that they weren't at least trying it. He grabbed their hands and shoved the not lit end into their mouths. They were forced to inhale. The smoke was going up to their noses, anyway, so either way they were inhaling it. And they knew if they didn't, high Itachi was pretty scary. They didn't know what would happen. So they inhaled. Blah. Deal with it.

Sakura ran into the village and straight to Tsunade.

"Sakura, what is it?!"

"Itachi...-gasp-... Naruto...AndSasuke,... -gasp-... are back there..."

"Catch your breath and then tell me whats going on, Sakura." so Sakura took a minute to catch her breath.

"OK... -sigh- I was walking with Naruto and Sasuke, when we found an abandoned car... only it wasn't abandoned... Uchiha Itachi was in it!!"

"..." Tsunade waited for Sakura to finish.

"..." Sakura waited for Tsunade to say something.

"...And??" Tsunade finally asked.

"Hmm?"

"Shouldn't there be more to the story??"

"No... i ran off to get you after that."

"YOU JUST LEFT THEM THERE??"

"Eh... yeah... They need someone to go get help, right?" Sakura squeaked. Tsunade sighed.

"Ok. a few of the Anbu will go with you to the car. You are to lead them there."

"Hai!" Sakura said and left with the Anbu peoples.

"We should be getting there soon... yup! see? thats the car!"

"eh... Are you sure its safe? It looks like its going to explode... look at all that smoke coming up from it, is it on fire???" asked one of the Anbu.

"It could be the aftermath of the fight." one of the others suggested.

As they approached the car they saw 3 figures inside it. One of the Anbu opened the door as Sakura cowered behind another one.

"Whoa, who're you?" They heard a voice say. They heard laughter coming from the car from the moment the door opened. The car was full of smoke, since none of them were smart enough in their current state to open a window. All the Anbu and Sakura started coughing. Itachi laughed.

"Want some?"

"Nah!! Don't waste it on them!" a voice slurred. Sakura opened one of her eyes to see Naruto in the passenger seat with the seat back as far as it could go. She looked around the car. Itachi was in the back seat, with his legs crossed, and Sasuke was in the front seat laughing his ass off. He suddenly stopped and took a drag of whatever was in his hand.

"WTF!! YOU GUYS ARE SMOKING???" Sakura screamed at them, totally pissed off.

"Get over it, Sakura-sama..." Naruto said. (A/N:I think I read somewhere that sama means granny. So he'd be saying "Granny Sakura", then. Correct me if I'm wrong, please. --')

"YOU IDIOT, IM YOUNGER THAN YOU! AND YOUR NOT EVEN 20 YET!!!" Sakura screamed at him.

"Sorry... I guess i got you and Tsunade-sama confused... heh heh..." Sakura was about to respond, but as soon as she inhaled, she looked down.

"They aren't that big, are they?" Sakura asked. Sasuke burst out laughing again. Naruto leaned up in his seat and put on a serious face, staring at Sakura's... eh... yeah... "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" she asked.

"You asked me a quessstion..." he slurred. "Hmm... nope. not even close." he said, smirking, and lied back down. Sakura glared at him and covered them up.

"Good! b-because hers are freakishly huge. -hmph!-" Sakura said. Naruto joined the laughter.

"I dont get it..." Itachi slurred, and took another drag. (heh heh heh, Itachi's high...)

"Uchiha Itachi. Why are you here?" one of the Anbu asked.

"Well... I found out that i like mara...jew...hana. or...uh... however you say it.. Want some?"

"What did I say? Don't waste it on them!"

"Alright alright..." Itachi slurred.

"That didn't answer my question." the ANBU stated.

"It's an abandoned car filled with... this stuff, why else would i be here?" he asked, trying to sneak some of the wraps past Naruto and to the people outside, but Naruto kept catching them and throwing them into the glove compartment.

"Stop it.." Itachi whined. "Why can't you share?"

"It's too good to share!!" Naruto whined back. (ok that sounded weird...)

"Hmm... yeah, your right." Itachi said, looking at his hand. "Whoa... my hand is all... you know... not real..."

"What are you talking about?" Sakura asked. Itachi lifted his hand to show her, and she flinched back, thinking he was gunna attack.

"Look! Its like... a japanese cartoon, or something... whoa... how weird..." Itachi said. He suddenly noticed that Sasuke had stopped laughing a while back when Sasuke burst out laughing again. "Dude! Chill!" Itachi said, shoving Sasuke's Marijuana thing in his mouth to make him shut up.

Sakura fainted. The 2 Anbu looked at her.

"Oh well" One of them said, shrugging. The other one laughed.

"Yeah, She's a bitch anyway. We should just leave her in the next town, or something."

"God, you guys are so mean so Sakura-chaan..." Naruto slurred. "I mean, your right, but it's still mean..."

"Sakura should go... jump... in a puddle..." Sasuke stated. Everyone stared at him.

"Jump in a puddle???"

"Un." Sasuke replied, nodding. Naruto snickered.

"Why?"

"Why not?"

"Shut up, foolish little... OMFG!!" Itachi screamed, jumping up and accidentally hitting his head on the ceiling. "Oooow!!!" he squeaked, and fell out the door behind him. Kisame woke up from the genjutsu he was stuck in.

"Uhg... Itachi? Wtf?" He asked, shoving Itachi off him. "OMG! Look! I found Sadasame!"

"You baka..." Itachi slurred.

"Whats up with you?" Kisame asked.

"Ugh... I'm to high to capture Naruto right now... can you do it?"

"Your... too... high???" Kisame said slowly. Then he burst out laughing. "Good thing I brought my camera!!" he said and started taking random pictures that everyone know wouldn't come out right because Kisame's finger was on the part that captured the picture.

"Baka, capture Naruto..."

"Nah. Lets just leave."

"Fine. Until next time, Naruto and foolish little brother!" Itachi said, and fell to the floor.

"O---k then. Bye peoples!" Kisame said, picking up Itachi and quickly leaving.

* * *

Blah.

* * *

Itachi was in the Akatsuki hideout one day. He met Tobi for the first time.

"Helllllo!!! Are you a member of the Akatsuki?" Tobi asked. Itachi glared at him.

"Yes. If your not, why are you here?"

"Oh! I am! Or at least I think I am... I have to ask Zetsu-san to make sure! But other than that, I'm sure I am!" Tobi said.

"Why?" Itachi was wondering why he was so sure about it.

"Because TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!!" Tobi yelled, spazing out. Itachi knocked him out, tied him up, and hid him in a closet. With duct tape on his mouth.

When Tobi woke up he immediately noticed that he was tied up. He tried to talk, but then noticed the duct tape and started spazing out. He looked around and noted that he was in a closet. He heard a noise next to him. He squinted into the darkness but couldn't see barley anything.

He struggled and got the duct tape off.

"Hello???" He asked.

"Hi!"

"Uh, who's there?"

"Uzamaki Naruto!" Naruto replied.

"Why are you locked up in a closet?"

"Why are _you_ locked up in a closet? Naruto retorted.

"Hm... No clue! Maybe Zetsu-san will let me out later when he finds out!"

"Maybe Sasuke will rescue me!!"

"Wtf?"

"Or maybe I can find a way out with your help!!"

"How long have you been in here?"

"Hmm... about a month, I think. I don't know, I get nights and days confused when they leave the hall light on." Naruto said cheerfully.

"Ah... So do you have a plan?"

"You better BELIEVE IT!!"

"Um... ok what is it?" Tobi asked, scooting away from the crazy English dubbed freak.

"I think there's and air vent in here somewhere. I keep feeling air come down from above us every once in a while. So we can crawl out of there as soon as we get the ropes off."

"Did you even attempt to remove your rope this whole time?"

"Hmm... Nope!" Naruto then easily removed the rope and untied Tobi.

"It was that easy?"

"BELIEVE IT!!"

"Stop that." Tobi said. "Hey... Didn't you get tape, too?"

"Yeah! I still have it! It randomly exploded when I yelled my catch prase!" Naruto said, happily, as he picked at the exploded tape surrounding his mouth. Tobi was standing there like this: O.O

"Ok, So all we have to do is climb?"

"I guess" Naruto replied.

"Is there a light, maybe?" Tobi asked, reaching his arm up. He found a string and pulled it, turning the light on.

"Yay! I can see!" Naruto screamed. "BELIEVE IT! We will get out of here!"

"Shh!! Keep it down! I dont want to be blamed if they wake up! Uh, if it's even night at all."

A few members of the Akatsuki were sitting at the kitchen table. Kisame, Deidara, Zetsu and Leader. Suddenly they hear an annoying voice scream out:

"YAY! I CAN SEE! BELIEVE IT! WE WILL GET OUT OF HERE!"

o.O

"What was that?" Zetsu asked.

"Un! Wtf was that, hmm?" Deidara agreed.

"It sounded like it came from the hall way.." Leader stated.

"Ah, Itachi-san keeps throwing people in the closet." Kisame said, continuing to read a paper. Obviously the rest of them took that WAY wrong.

"Wh... what, hmm?" Deidara asked.

"Who?"

"Oh, just a few annoying guys." Kisame said. "You know, English Naruto has been in there for a while.. I hear he threw some guy in there earlier yesterday." It was silent until, eventually, they couldn't take it anymore.

"So... they turned gay and are lying to everyone about it now, hmm?" Deidara said, confused as to why Itachi would force people to become secretively gay. Kisame looked up.

"Wha--?" Kisame started.

"They all went gay for Itachi, and wont tell him?" Zetsu interrupted.

"How can you tell if their gay if they wont say anything?" Leader asked Kisame.

"Wait, wait, WAIT!" Kisame yelled. They all shut up and stared at him. "No, I meant he literally tied them up and threw them into the hallway closet because they're so annoying! Not "he forced them to go gay"! What's wrong with you people?" Kisame asked. "Think clearly, would you?" Kisame got up and left the room.

Itachi entered the room. Everyone stared at him. o.O

"What?"

"You threw random annoying people in the hallway closet, hmm?" Deidara asked, making sure Kisame thought it right too.

"Un... why?" Itachi asked.

"Literally threw them in there?" Leader asked.

"Yup. I tied them up, put duct tape on their mouths, and threw them in the closet! Well... after knocking them out, of course." He finished. They sighed in relief. "What?"

Back to Naruto and Tobi. While this weird conversation was going on in the kitchen, Tobi was trying to calm Naruto down since he was spazing so much.

"Believe it?" Naruto asked.

"No. Stop saying that and think up a plan."

"The air vent!" Naruto stated. They looked up and saw no air vent. "But... there was random wind!"

"Maybe someone is up there on that shelf thing?" Tobi asked. "We can't be the only ones in here, can we? Maybe other Akatsuki members got annoyed by more than just us?"

"Yeah! I bet it's Sasuke up there! "Oooh! I'm gunna reform my clan! Oooh! I HATES Itachi, he's my Aniki and he killed my whole family but him and me! I want to get revenge and reform my clan!!" Its annoying enough, right?" Naruto asked. He didn't hear a reply, so he looked over at Tobi. He was on the floor twitching. "That bad, huh? Maybe I'm just used to it..."

Soon Tobi was better and they tried to climb up, but failed.

"Hey! Who's up there?" Naruto finally asked.

"Guess..." Came a voice. Familiar.

"Ok!" Naruto said. He couldn't place the voice, even though he knew it from somewhere. "Sasuke?"

"No."

"Itachi?"

"Wtf? He's the one that threw us all in here!"

"Oh... Sakura?"

"No."

"Kakashi?"

"No."

"Oh!" Tobi spoke up. "Zetsu-san!"

"NO..."

"Third Hokage?"

"He's dead, so... no."

"Sakura?"

"You already guessed her!"

"Un, but she's supper annoying so maybe you changed your mind about being her or not."

"That didn't even make sense."

"Hmm... Orochimaru?"

"-sigh- Nope."

"Gaara?"

"No."

"Who then?"

"It's Sasuke, obviously."

"I guessed that."

"LIAR!"

"Why are you locked up in the closet?"

"Hmm... I don't... quite... remember..." Sasuke commented.

"Are you tied up, too?" Tobi asked.

"Yup!" Sasuke pronounced happily.

"Um... then untie yourself." Tobi suggested.

"Why?"

"So we can escape!" Naruto yelled.

"How?" Sasuke asked.

"..." Naruto was silent.

"..." Then Sasuke was silent...

"You know... did anyone even check the door?" Tobi asked. He turned the door nob and it opened right up. Naruto ran out, Sasuke fell off the shelf, got up, and tripped out the door, and Tobi slowly walked out.

While all this was happening, the people at the table were still thinking about what Itachi said.

"You know, hmm..." Deidara started as soon as Itachi left. Kismae entered the room without anyone noticing. "Maybe he was... you know, hmm, using a metaphor...?"

"Maybe..." Leader agreed.

"Are you guys still talking about the whole closet thing?"

"Un. Kisame, Did you ever SEE Itachi-san throw people in there?"

"Eh, no... But I heard muffled yelling from there once, and asked Itachi about it." Kisame replied.

"So he didn't know for sure! Lets go check!" Leader said. They got up. Kisame sighed and got up also.

So they went to the hall closet. Deidara opened the door. The light was on.

"There's no body here, hmm!" Deidara yelled.

"Oh my god... where did everyone go?" Kisame asked.

"It WAS a metaphor!" Leader pronounced.

"No, you baka! They just probably escaped!" Kisame replied.

"For all you know..." Zetsu's dark side muttered under his breath.

Later, Itachi found out that they had escaped. He went in the closet and got out a hidden video camera. He watched and listened all that happened with the rest of the group, to prove that he had actually thrown them in there.

"Wow." Deidara commented. "Out of all of them, I'd say TOBI is the SMARTEST! Hmm! What a surprise!"

* * *

The end :P That's it for this chapter, hope it was ok. I know: the others were better, right? -- oh well. Review, please! Byez!

I love writing for people who love reading what I write!

And... I love teh-randomness? Yeah!


	4. Chapter 4

Once upon a time, Itachi was walking down the street when Sasuke jumped out with his emo make-up smeared from crying. Itachi stood in shock, his arms raised with a step back. Sasuke collapsed to both knees and held his face as he sobbed. Itachi let his arms drop and stared at Sasuke, his eye twitching.

"What is it, Otouto?"

Sasuke dropped his hands to his sides and looked upward at his brother.

"Nobody loves me" he exclaimed through his choked sobs

"I..Well, I love you. What you are now is... well, pathetic. I do love you, though, you're my otouto. Now get up. You sicken me." Itach kicked Sasuke's knee roughly and glared at him.

Sasuke fell forward and hit his face on the stone ground beneath him.

"But-but I.."

"Get UP," Itachi snarled, kicking his side. Sasuke stood up shakily, holding his side with one hand and his face with the other, holding back his tears as he straightened himself up.

"Good," Itachi said softly.

Sasuke wiped his eyes attempting to rid his face of the tears and stained make-up. Itachi pushed Sasuke's arms to his side, making him stand up straight.

"You need to present yourself strongly. Try looking like a man for once."

Sasuke pushes his shoulders back and chest out, attempting to look strong.

"I am a man. A great one" he said under his breath.

Itachi lifts an eyebrow. He then punches Sasuke straight in the stomach.

Sasuke doubled over, clutching his stomach and coughing roughly.

"W-why?"

"Because you're still really, really pathetic," was Itachi's reply with a shrug. "Wanna go get ice cream?"

Sasuke stood up quickly and grinned.

"I want Mint Chocolate Chip!"Itachi smiled back.

"WRONG ANSWER!" he yelled, while grinning, and kicked him in the stomach. Sasuke fell over on his side coughing up blood and crying.

"Why God? Why?!"

"You just leave so many openings!" Itachi laughed, kicking him again. Sasuke squirmed on the ground, crying and begging Itachi to stop. Itachi sighed and kneeled down next to Sasuke.

"Now, why should I stop? You still look pathetic. You're not even fighting back."

Sasuke looked up at Itachi and, almost pleadingly, said "Because you love me? We're family.."

Itachi laughed for a good minute before calming down with a small sigh.

"Of course I love you. I know we're family. But I can't stand being related to something so pathetic! Fight back!" He poked Sasuke's arm. Sasuke glared up at Itachi.

"I hate you!"

Itachi poked Sasuke roughly again. "You know you don't. You love me! On top of that, you feel guilty for killing me."

Sasuke attempted to stand up and fell back down. "No way.."

"Heey," Itachi said, standing up as well, "I'm just trying to help. Want to go get some ramen?"

"Sure.." Sasuke said weakly as he once again tried to wipe away his tears.

Itachi chuckled and punched Sasuke in the face. "Wrong answer again!"

Sasuke grabbed his face as blood ran down his cheek. "Argh!"

Itachi rolled his eyes. "You're being so melodramatic."

"It's what makes me cool though! It makes me seem dark and mysterious!" Sasuke cried.

"No. Just... no." Itachi signed.

"I'm totally cool, just ask Sakura" Sasuke said sitting up.

"Sakura's a bitch, Sasuke," Itachi sighed. Itachi then picked Sasuke up by his hair. "Staaand!"

Sasuke grabbed up at Itachi's hand and whined. "Alright alright, I'm standing. And you're just jealous cause Sakura doesn't like you"

Itachi puts Sasuke down and kicks his shin. "I don't like her either, so that's ok. I'm most certainly NOT jealous."

Sasuke grabbed his shin and chuckled. "Sure you do, she's uhm...well..she has a great personali..no...she's...Almost STD free? Yeah that's it."

"How do you even know that?" Itachi asked, backing away from Sasuke, sickened.

Sasuke grinned. "Trust me, I know, she's only got Herpes and Cyphilis. She's 75% clean."

Itachi's eyes widened in disgust. He backed further away from Sasuke.

Sasuke took a step forward. "By the way, she wanted me to ask you something."

"Wh....What?" Itachi asked, taking another step back.

Sasuke takes another two steps forward. "She wants to know if you want to go over to her house for 'Dinner'.."

"Uh, no, I'm good." Itachi stood his ground.

Sasuke shrugged his shoulders. "I thought you'd say that, that's why I drugged your lunch. You'll pass out in about 20 minutes."

Itachi stared at Sasuke. "We.. Haven't had lunch yet."

Sasuke frowned. "Oh right..I was supposed to do that later..Uh..Want to go get some Ramen?"

Itachi rolled his eyes and punched Sasuke in the stomach again.

Then he giggled.

Sasuke rolled over on the ground for a moment and passed out.

Itachi stopped giggling and walked over to Sasuke.

"Heeey... Get up." He nudged him with his foot. Sasuke twitched slightly.

Itachi looked at Sasuke, annoyed. "Get... UP."

Sasuke twitched again and began foaming at the mouth.

"Otouto, you need to lay off the drugs."

Sasuke squirmed a bit more before convulsing and coughing and waking up slowly.

Itachi nudged Sasuke awake and waited patiently for him to say something.

Sasuke coughed weakly. "Brother...Sakura..gave me..rabies..I am...dy...dying.."

Itachi burst out laughing. "You're funny. Want some ice cream?"

Sasuke groaned. "No way, I remember last time."

"Good! As a treat, I really will get you some ice cream! Stand up, let's go!" Itachi laughs and stands back up.

Sasuke stood up quickly and smiled brightly.

"Really!?"

Itachi smiles back.

"No!" and kicks him in the groin. "Just kidding, let's go get some ice cream!"

Sasuke leaned over holding himself. "O-okay."

Itachi grinned and helped Sasuke stand up straight. Sasuke stood up and brushed himself off.

"Ready?" Itachi asked, smirking.

"Yes." Itachi then linked arms with Sasuke. Sasuke smiled and began skipping away with Itachi. As they skipped, Itachi laughed and used Amaterasu on Sasuke, let go of his arm, and continued to skip, singing joyfully to himself.

"Saskue, follow! Come get your ice cream!"

Sasuke stumbled after Itach, determined to get his ice cream as black flame whipped away at his now smoldering flesh. Itachi looked back at Sasuke.

"Foolish otouto," he giggled, "you look silly!"

Sasuke reached forward with one hand as if grabbing for Itachi as his flesh melted away, giving way to the bones and muscles in his hand. "Argh...."

Itachi holds Sasuke's ice cream (which appeared out of nowhere) just out of his reach, giggling.

Sasuke limps forward, nothing left of him but exposed bone and muscle. "Ice...creeeamm.." he rasped.

Itachi felt a little bad for Sasuke, so he gave Sasuke the ice cream.

"Sorry, Sasuke. I'm not a very nice brother right now." He shuffled his feet in the dirt, causing a small dust pile to go into the air and all over Sasuke.

Sasuke attempted to lick the ice cream as his tongue was melted away. "Damn..you.." he said, as he collapsed and died alone and emo and smelling a bit like burnt hair.

"Hey! Narrarator! He wasn't alone! I'm here!" Itachi said, scoffing. "Plus, he killed me. And anyway, this is just a dream."

I poked Itachi on the top of the head. I meant that nobody loved him. Plus if its a dream I wouldn't be able to do this. Everything explodes.

THE END!

* * *

This was made over AIM in a conversation with KowaretaHikari ;D We're great. I know it. Kowareta was the Sasuke lines, and I was the Itachi lines. X3 What fun!!! ;D

Anywho, Yeah. R&R and I'll even write a story with you, if you want. Though, I doubt it'll be this great. :'D

ILUALL!

Credit to teh maker~ ;D Kishimoto ftw.

Hehe.


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